Have you ever been in a relationship with a person, the person was the perfect definition of a spouse, you had the best time together, the best love language, the best love experiences, but when it comes to marriage, you find yourself withdrawing or running from spending the rest of your life with the person, chances are you might be gamophobic.

But what is gamophobia?
A phobia is an excessive fear of something that actually presents little danger but nonetheless makes you anxious. In the case of gamophobia, it’s a fear of commitment or marriage

For someone else you might be wondering what on earth would make one scared to be in a marriage, there are so many reasons for this and I’ll talk about the symptoms, and causes and how to get over it as well.
One of the most dominant symptoms of someone who has this symptom is that they usually avoid the subject of marriage, of course most of them would have a ready and beautiful answer as to why they are still single but the honest reason is that they are scared, they would prefer that you remain friends, some of the victims of this gamophobia sometimes go ahead and get married but you would notice that they would be triggered by some of the things they were scared of at the beginning, you would find certain spouses scared of having sex, eating with their children, going to certain places, avoiding going home to see their parents etc.

But what are the causes?
Past experiences
We can’t differentiate a person from the experiences they have been through, we are all sum total of all our experiences, and most people react to certain experiences differently because of our upbringing, education, culture, and even personality.
When one has been in a relationship where they loved with all their heart and they were properly engaged and then getting towards the marriage, one of them gets dumped, that trauma could restrict the victimized party to not take relationships seriously and that fear of being dumped again might scare the other person from getting too committed.

Sometimes it could be the experience of being raped or abused by an opposite sex, family member, or a step-parent.

Stories they have heard
A good story (experience of a friend) has a way of replaying at the right time in our minds, have you ever seen the rainbow and the story of Noah coincidently replay itself in your mind, it could even be a song of a childhood video game, cartoon or movie and it just comes with such outburst of emotions and memories.

When people have listened to a lot of stories about wrong marriages, and data on divorced marriages, sometimes it could be something they witnessed in the life of their parents or friends.
It makes them scared of going through that same experience, so most of them delay marriage, It even gets scarier and worse when the opposite gender displays one or two similar features and activities that they have seen or heard in the other party.

Mistakes that they have made in the past
Some people are scared of getting married because of their past mistakes, for instance, someone who has committed multiple abortions would be scared of getting married so as not to implicate herself or her potential husband ( also to avoid the other party from discovering the hard way)
Mistakes have a way to making us aim too low because of the guilt they come with.

Health issues
Issues regarding health and sexual stamina also make most men scared of getting married and issues regarding the womb of a lady also get them scared of getting married or being committed and it isn’t really about their past mistakes, it could just be a health problem that has always been there.

Fear of falling short of expectations
Fear of not meeting up to the standard sometimes make people not want to get married, fear of not being a good lover, fear of not being a good parent, fear of not having enough finances to take care of the family, fear of not being responsible etc
There are many societal expectations that have been knowingly or unknowingly placed on people and this is making them see themselves as failures and unfit for marriage.

How to get over Gamophobia
Have a godly marriage that you are looking up to and learn how to become like them
Get books on the areas where your fear is dominant and understand how to overcome them (sex, parenting, finance)
Have a marriage mentor
Talk to your spouse about your fear or a Psychologist about the problem you are facing
Forgive the people who hurt you and forgive yourself, then the healing process will start so that you don’t bleed on innocent people.

Take these steps and see yourself overcoming gamophobia

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